A little parish wisdom: “When the autumn weather turns nasty, there are two surefire ways to spot a seasoned parishioner: they never stand beneath a leaky dome, and they always know which corner of the church has the warmest radiator.”
After a Sunday school lesson, six-year-old Sasha tells his dad:
“Dad, now I know why the Prophet Jonah spent three days in the belly of the whale!”
“And why was that, Sasha?”
“Because there was no internet inside the whale, so Jonah had nothing else to do but finally pray properly!”
– Father, my husband and I are always arguing about who’s the boss in our family. How should we settle this as Christians?
– Easy! Let your husband be the boss when there’s a nail to hammer into the wall or a heavy bag of groceries to carry. And you can be the boss of everything else! Trust me, he’ll even thank you for this division of power.
After a Sunday school lesson, the teacher asks seven-year-old Pete:
- Pete, do you know what "God's omniscience" means?
- Of course! It's when God knows in advance that I forgot my diary again, but still gives me a chance to say the dog ate it!
A parish saying:
“Year one in church: theologian and teacher. Year two: sinner and humble penitent. Year three: just making sure the candles are straight and the candle stand isn’t wobbling.”
– Father, tell me, do I have to pray standing up, or can I sit?
– You can pray even lying down! The main thing is to make sure your soul doesn’t fall asleep.
A young priest decided to deliver a sermon on the importance of non-acquisitiveness. Inspired, he speaks from the ambo:
– Brothers and sisters! Look at the birds of the air! They do not sow, nor reap, nor gather into barns, nor worry about tomorrow – and the Lord feeds them!
After the service, the parish warden enters the altar, places a thick stack of bills for electricity, heating, and water for the church on the table, and says:
– Father, the sermon was wonderful! But when the utility workers come with a notice of disconnection, may I crumble some bread for them instead of money?