The pilgrims spent three hours singing an akathist hymn on the bus. By the end of the journey, the driver knew it by heart and was singing along at the top of his lungs as he rounded the bends.
A young novice, sent to help in the monastery bakery for the first time, comes running up to the head prosphora baker in a panic.
“Father, help! I made the dough, and now it's climbed out of the pot and is making a run for it across the table! Is this some kind of demonic temptation?”
The old monk calmly wipes his hands on his apron.
“Demonic temptation? Nonsense, my son! That's just the Lord reminding you that while you were enjoying an extra hour of sleep in your cell, the yeast was already up and faithfully doing God's work!”
A little parish wisdom: “When the autumn weather turns nasty, there are two surefire ways to spot a seasoned parishioner: they never stand beneath a leaky dome, and they always know which corner of the church has the warmest radiator.”
After a Sunday school lesson, six-year-old Sasha tells his dad:
“Dad, now I know why the Prophet Jonah spent three days in the belly of the whale!”
“And why was that, Sasha?”
“Because there was no internet inside the whale, so Jonah had nothing else to do but finally pray properly!”
– Father, my husband and I are always arguing about who’s the boss in our family. How should we settle this as Christians?
– Easy! Let your husband be the boss when there’s a nail to hammer into the wall or a heavy bag of groceries to carry. And you can be the boss of everything else! Trust me, he’ll even thank you for this division of power.
After a Sunday school lesson, the teacher asks seven-year-old Pete:
- Pete, do you know what "God's omniscience" means?
- Of course! It's when God knows in advance that I forgot my diary again, but still gives me a chance to say the dog ate it!
A parish saying:
“Year one in church: theologian and teacher. Year two: sinner and humble penitent. Year three: just making sure the candles are straight and the candle stand isn’t wobbling.”
